SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, it's Penny Meginson from the Meginson Method, and welcome to Penny for Your Thoughts, where we discuss how our thoughts and mindset affect our health, happiness, and performance. I'm joined here in this episode on using words to increase confidence and success by the confidence expert, Ken Summers Egglesy, and we're going to be talking about how words matter, how the things that we say as well as the things that we hear and take in really matter in terms of our confidence and our belief, our beliefs in what we can achieve. And we're also going to talk about some great tips on how we can change our language to increase our success. So with that, let's get started. Hello, Kim. Welcome. Welcome to the show. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Hi, Penny. Thanks for having me. I'm awesome.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Yeah, that's great. Okay, so tell me, Kim, what's your confidence story? What got you interested in coaching and um and just thinking about confidence as a whole? So, what's your story?

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Yeah, thank you. Um, you know, I grew up and I still am really close and best friends with my parents. I'm an only child. So it really wasn't my upbringing, it was experiences along the way. So I had several experiences where I was bullied and rejected by kids when I was in elementary school. And I can remember one particular time I was in the sixth grade and I wanted to be popular and liked, and I wasn't quite confident because I had had a few instances of kids kind of like, I'm not your friend, get away from us. We don't want you in our group. And so those kind of stayed stuck in my brain. And the boys in the class decide to line up all the girls and rate them on how pretty they are. And so as they're rating, my heart starts sinking, and little and behold, they rate me last and basically said I was the ugliest in the class. And I acted like I didn't care, you know, went home and just was devastated. Didn't tell my parents for some reason. I don't know why. I guess I didn't want to burden them. And so, long story short, a few different instances like that ended up kind of erasing my confidence and making me stuck in those moments of not being good enough, of being insecure. Um, and I just kind of took those with me. And even though there were many instances where I was confident or enough, or you know, acting like I was enough and all that through the years, I knew there was something missing. And so as I got older, I got fascinated with can we learn confidence? Can I get this back? You know, can I feel secure? Can I feel like I'm amazing and not be in my head like 95% of people thinking, what is that person thinking of me? You know, do I look weird? Do I sound okay? And then not being present in the moment because we're in our heads. And so I started doing research and just asking, you know, hundreds of people about confidence, reading about confidence, doing research on confidence. And I ended up um creating a confidence, online confidence course with one of my business partners, Kyle Wilson. And he's actually um, he's actually someone who worked with the great Jim Rohn for 18 years as his business partner, and that's who taught Tony Robbins. So a lot of you know who that is. Um so I got to work with him and create this confidence course. So I was able to start utilizing those skills and tools and really implementing them so that soon it became just innate, and I was able to walk the talk of being confident again and not being in my head anymore. And it turned into me being able to do women's circles, retreats. I did a TED talk, um, lots of coaching clients, and now it's been, you know, it's been 11 years that I've been doing this whole force.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Wow, that's fantastic. So that's really interesting. Um, because I think that for so many people, it's like one situation can really kill your confidence and and change the way that you live your life and what you believe and so many things. I'm a physical therapist, um, and so my interest in this sort of work and neurolinguistic programming and choices came from working with patients and realizing that when a doctor tells, you know, my patients, you're never going to run again, you'll never play golf again, or you're never gonna walk again. Um those words really, especially when it comes from somebody who you really respect, uh, very well educated and you trust this person, it's like no matter what, you even if you want to try, you're like, Wait, he told me this. These are words, you know, and we know that the placebo effect is a real thing. And so when someone tells you something, that it's really hard to shake that belief. And so that was what got me interested in LP and um in wanting to be able to change the language and the thought process for my patients, and um, so I agree. Changing your confidence, um, it can be something so easy to change, it's something so easy to take away as well. And it's great that you're doing the work that you're doing. Um yeah, and um, how how do you find that words are specifically connected to say our level of confidence or our goals and achievement?

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Yeah, I started studying NOP about 10 years ago with a transformational teacher named Niurka, and she had actually worked with Tony Robbins as well. Um, and we studied something in that course where I got certified called NLP, which is a pseudoscientific approach to communication, and it was developed in the 70s by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, and it's neuro, so it's like brain and then linguistic programming is brain language programming, where you can shift your communication, which helps shift your behavior and your mindset. And so, what I learned is that the way we think and the way we speak, and the way we even um talk to ourselves in our head or talk to others affects quantum physicists have now proven this that it affects how often we get sick, how long we live, even what we attract, who we're with, all of these amazing things. And so we really I think that one of the top, top things you can do to work on yourself is to shift your communication. And so you want to stop using low vibration words. And so I'll give you a few examples. It's so common right now, it's almost trendy for people to say, I'm so stressed, I'm so overwhelmed. And it's almost like, oh, well, that makes me sound busy and you know, needed. And so if if you think about it, if I say I'm so overwhelmed, you see my shoulders hunch over, you see my face change, it's depleting and low energy. And if I shift it and I just shift the communication and I say, you know what, people need me, I've got stuff going on, you know, I get to do these things, I'm in demand. Look at my face expression, look at my shoulders, you know, go up again. I'm in demand, I'm empowered. And the beautiful thing about this is that words have so much energy that even if your mind kind of goes, yeah, right, you're still gonna make an impact because you're saying it out loud or you're saying it to yourself. Instead of stressed, you're challenging yourself to be even greater. Oh my gosh, I have to, you know, do this project in two weeks instead of six weeks. I'm so stressed. No, I'm challenging myself to be even greater. Um, a couple other ones instead of I have to, I get to, instead of fascinating, I mean, instead of frustrated or irritated, I'm fascinated and intrigued by how I can make this situation better or how I can reframe this to be happier. Like a big one here, because I live near LA is I'm so irritated at the traffic. And it's like, well, you chose to live here, you know, I chose to live over here. And so instead, I'm like, okay, I'm so intrigued by the sights I'm seeing, by what I'm listening to on the radio, um, by maybe the mindfulness thoughts I'm thinking at the same time. And if we use low energy words like stressed, overwhelmed, and irritated and frustrated, we're punishing ourselves because we're actually putting a negative vibration into us, and then that's coming out of us. And so the people that we end up being around later sometimes can even feel those vibes.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yeah, and like attracts like, so the more that you are in that lower vibration, I guess you're surrounding yourself by other people that are thinking and using the same terminology, yeah, or complaining. Exactly, or you're pushing away the people that are more positive and at a higher vibration and that sort of thing. And um, yeah, and I agree with you. It's really about reframing, isn't it? It's about how can I make a positive spin on this, whatever the situation is. And and even if you're faking it and you don't really believe it on a conscious level, the subconscious takes it in no matter what it is, which is why someone could say you're fat and it's gonna go into subconscious, even though you know that you're not, and that sort of thing. So by just saying these things, whether you believe it at that consciousness, it's going in, and um messages, you know, they're going to be there and stored and that sort of thing, and that's what we want. Yeah, I think that's great. Do you have an example of someone that you've worked with? Um, and how words have changed, just changing their language was able to change a situation for them.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Right, right. And I and it's funny with clients and audience members, they come back to me and go, you know what? I've done this for a while, and now whenever people speak very disempowered, I'm kind of repelled or or I notice and I'm going, What? What how can they be like that? Because you're more aware of it. And I can think of a particular client that she came into one of my mastermind groups and was so intimidated by everyone and just the kind of the opposite of confidence that she started crying accidentally because she was so overwhelmed by being in the group. And I encouraged her to stay, and she started to learn the tools at the same time. She went through my confidence course, started using those words instead, and it shifted her. And she's actually now she wasn't even working at all, and now she's like a director of this cruise ship thing where she has to lead other people, and so it it really it's it's amazing how you like you said, you can kind of trick your mind into shifting, and that doesn't mean you're being fake. I mean, you've gotta I I say I say take the 10 to 20 percent and say it and feel it and get it out, but then make sure the other 80 percent you're really aware because otherwise, like I said, you're gonna be punishing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah, no, that's that's really, really interesting. Um and do you find that you practice this most of the time um yourself in your own life? Or do you find yourself sometimes saying negative things and going, oh, wait a second, or um how do you find how it works in your life?

SPEAKER_01 11:01

You know, I'm human, so I've had my struggles, but I feel that I'm pretty, I it's almost like I have a hyper awareness of all of this because I do it and teach it now. So what I catch myself, I think pretty quickly. Um, and sometimes I'll consciously say something disempowering because I have to just get it out. Like I gotta get out the frustrations or you know, build up stress. So that's human and that's and I'll be conscious of it. I'll go, okay, I'm just gonna vent. Uh, so I think that's okay. And and then the other 80% of the week, then I'm really working on speaking positively. And I think it helps to journal. I journal in the morning, really helps because I'll write my I am statement. I'll say, I am vibrant, I feel flowing and love and joy and positivity and harmony. And that helps me start my day, and it helps me when I go to bed because then that ingrains it in my brain.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Absolutely, absolutely. Another thing that I like telling, just like you were saying, sometimes you just feel like you need to get it out. You can't just always try to be positive because you know you do have these frustrations. So, what I tell a lot of my clients and patients is to just write it all out on a piece of paper so they're not really verbalizing it. And because we can get into this cycle of just wanting to complain the rest of the day. If one bad thing has happened, you find yourself complaining about it all day. It's just write it all out as much as you can get it all out, all that frustration, and then rip it up and throw it away. And it's like, hey, I got it out and done, that's over, and I'm gonna move forward now. And so keep going with your positive uh vibe and just trying to keep your language positive. But otherwise, it's like you're just bottling things up, and I think that that can seem sort of fake sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Right. When someone's in pain, you know, if they have body pain or if they're not feeling well or feeling off, it's way harder to be in a positive place. So I love the getting it out with your pen.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah, exactly. Um, and rather than getting it out with your voice and then just using those positive vibes, absolutely. What would be some tips that you could give our audience? Um, maybe three to five things um that they could start working on right away.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Um yeah, I think that that it's really important with confidence tips, I would say overall. I mean, I gave you some of the words you can shift into, so that's big. And I think just trying to notice at the end of the day how often did I use disempowering words and how often did I use empowering words, and you know, pat yourself on the back. Don't don't get too angry at yourself for for messing up, but just try to be aware of them more. Uh, another favorite of mine to increase your confidence is an exercise about what you're choosing. And so this is something that I recommend you do maybe every two months. You make a list on one piece of paper of everything you're doing in your life right now, like in general. Like who am I spending time with? What are my projects? What is my career? Whatever. Um, and then the second piece of paper, you're gonna write down dreams, visions, and goals. And you're gonna go back to each piece of paper and rate every single item 0% to 100%. 100 being it fuels you, you say, Oh my gosh, that's aligned with my heart and soul, it makes me feel alive, it feels like me. And then go back and evaluate it and go, how many things are really 100% on my lists there? And if they're not, can I eliminate them? Can I distance myself from them, or can I reframe them to and add things in to make them better, to make them 100%? Because the more things we're doing that aren't a hundred percent for us, we're going to also feel kind of angry at ourselves or bitter because we're we're taking time away from what we could be doing toward our passions, toward our goals. And so the more things you can do that are a hundred that make you fueled and on fire, the more you're going to feel confident because you're gonna go, oh my gosh, I'm being completely true to myself. So definitely I would say your choices are are huge. Um, also your boundaries, like being around, I like to say be around people that sue you, support, uplift, and encourage you, and you them. Okay, and set the boundaries. You know, why? Why are you doing this for this person or spending time with this person if after you leave feeling depleted, you know? So I would say those are big, like the choices, the setting the boundaries, and then the shifting your communication.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yeah, no, I I really like that. And um, it's I think it really is important to know to uh have your sort of your tribe, that sort of positive vibe tribe, I like to call it. Yeah, totally. Surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, who believe in your goals and believe in you and that sort of thing, and keeping your the things that are important to you, to those that circle, you know. So you have lots of people in your life that might not necessarily, you know, suit that purpose. And so keep your cards close to your chest and share that stuff because I think that their negative feelings about it can really bring you down and start stealing away that confidence, you know. Right. That's really important who you surround yourself with and who you share things with. And when you were talking about uh your list, how many things do you suggest having on that list? Are you really trying to pinpoint your purpose and really get down to just a few passions? Or um, what would you suggest? Who would you like to do that?

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Um, I suggest writing down even who are you spending time with, who are you going to lunch with? Are you working out? Are you having habits of surfing the internet or watching TV? Write everything down. I mean, you don't need to write sleep down or brushing your teeth down, but in general, like in the last six months, what have you been doing with your time? So you want to write everything down because what that does is create an awareness of what am I doing, who am I spending time with? Am I following my passions and doing what feels a hundred percent? And I get that, you know, you're gonna have to go to the DMB or pay taxes or do laundry, but I'm saying in general, um, and then hopefully your your visions, dreams, and goals, which are the bigger things, are a hundred percent because otherwise you want to ask yourself, well, wait a minute, why am I is it because I'm feeling like I should be doing this, you know, or someone told me to do this? So it just it creates extreme self-awareness.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

Yeah. Now, what if on the flip side you have someone who their self-awareness really shows them on paper that they're totally not doing anything that they want to be doing? What um do you have a tip for getting that person to be able to? Because maybe that would be quite welling if you wrote things down and just saw that all you're doing is spending your whole day on Facebook because what else to do with yourself right now, especially in the current situation. And that's because that can be very disempowering. Like, wow, you know, I really am wasting my days. And um, what would be a good tip to get someone out of that feeling really stuck?

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Right. And I think that um I've had a lot of clients where they were they had a lot of the ones on the list that were very low percentages. And so instead of getting upset at yourself or feeling low about it, it's like, okay, I'm human, but I now I'm gonna take today, now that I know and I've made this list, I'm gonna take today to look at my visions, dreams, and goals list and maybe even put some small things on there, some medium things on there that you could be doing. And so I'll give an example. Let's say someone is in a job that they despise and are like, oh, I just I have to be working, I need the money, I don't have time to look for a new job right now, but I really wanna be doing A, B, and C. Or I'm not sure what I want to be doing, but I need the time to be searching for what I want to be doing. Then put that in the dreams, visions, and goals list and just make a goal that like two hours a week you'll be doing that for now. And then maybe in a month you add four hours a week, and then you add another thing, like I'm gonna start going for nature walks, you know, and then each time pat yourself on the back and go, I'm doing something that I feel a hundred about. That's boosting my confidence. And it sounds crazy, but going back to the communication, the more that we tell ourselves, like, oh, I'm gonna go outside and I see a butterfly, that makes me happy. I'm filled with joy. It sounds silly, but we're actually programming our mind to look for more of that. There's a there's a whole book about that by um Rhonda Byrne, who wrote The Secret, and I can't think of the magic, I think it's called, but she talks about that. Like, start with going outside and say, I see a flower, that's beautiful, that brings me joy. I see a bird and it looks peaceful, that brings me harmony, and it's going to help you train your mind, and you'll see because it's hard for your mind to think of fear, anger, or anything low while you're thinking of something love-filled or beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

And it also starts to get you focusing more on the positive. I find that once we get into that focusing on something negative, then you just start seeing all the negative things that day. You know, it's like you start out with something, maybe uh a problem with traffic going to work, and then you're already in that sort of negative space, and you just start seeing all the things that are happening at work, and that's so it's really like reframe that as quick as you can and get into that positive mindset and um and just changing your words and changing just reframing the way that you are seeing things. Um, so I say this with clients that are mothers, for example, so they can really get into the space of these are all the things I'm not doing, you know. Either it's mom guilt about not doing the right things for their kids, or it's oh, you know, I gave up my job, I gave up my career, I'm not doing any of these things that I used to love. And it's like, but what are you doing? Because you're doing a lot of amazing things and maybe you're an amazing mother and you're you know creating this amazing family and having these beautiful experiences every day. So, you know, focus on the positive as well. Like there's always positive and there's always negative, which are you trying to, you know, and um and bring yourself more of. But um, yeah, so uh can we go back to those first words that you said in the very beginning? Uh, because I thought that was great, just as a reminder for the audience before you go. Um, you named about two or three really good words to keep um in your mindset.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

What so instead of um overwhelmed, you want to use I'm in demand. Instead of stressed, I'm challenging myself to be even greater. Instead of um frustrated or irritated, you can use fascinated or intrigued. I'll give you a couple other ones. Um, instead of I'm so tired, you could say I'm catching my second win. Instead of I have to, you can say I get to. And then I wanted uh to just give a little bonus reminder of what you focus on will grow. So if you focus on I'm so stressed, I'm so stressed, then you're gonna get more of that in your life. And so you want to make sure that you're focusing on the good, and then you'll look for more of that in your life as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yeah, absolutely. Kim, thank you so much. That was so helpful. And if anyone wants to get in touch with you, how can they?

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yeah, I'm on social media under at Kim LifeCoach or Kim Summers Egglesy, and then my website is just KimLifecoach.com.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Okay, great. Thank you so much, Kim. That was wonderful. And again, if any of you listening uh want to get in touch with me as well, of course, just find me on social media at Meganson Method. And I look forward to seeing you next time.