What's Your story ?

We each have our own story, our own journey, and the lessons learned (or not) along the way.  Join me with Adam Parr, Certified Life Coach and Host of Parrsitivity Podcast, as we discuss how our perceptions of our story impact how we live our life.  Learn how to change these perceptions for a more positive, motivated approach to life.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, it's Penny Meginson from the Meginson Method, and welcome to Penny for Your Thoughts. In this episode called What's Your Story, I'm joined by Adam Parr, certified life coach and the host of the Parsitivity Podcast, and we're going to discuss how we each have our own individual story and how our perceptions of that story can affect how we live our life. We're also going to talk about how we can change those perceptions. So let's get started. Hello, Adam. Welcome. Nice to have you.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

You're welcome. It's uh I'm I'm happy to be here. I'm really grateful to be on the show, Penny.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Oh, it's great. It's great. So um let's just go right into it. So you've got a very interesting story, um, something that happened when you were younger. You want to tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Yeah, yeah, certainly. I I basically had an accident when I was around like 13 to 14 years old. And, you know, at that time in my life, I didn't really know, you know, where I wanted to go. I was kind of chasing my ego. I was, you know, around the wrong kind of people, that kind of thing. And I basically was climbed on a roof with a bunch of friends, as you do, and uh fell through a skylight, which is a you know, a glass kind of window panel on a on a roof that allows the light to come through. And I fell through about 14 to 15 feet, fell down, um, you know, cut my arm open, had lacerations, that kind of thing. Very, very lucky to be alive. And um, you know, months onwards from that, I started to develop anxiety, PTSD, and um a lot of these, you know, symptoms from that event. And around that time, you know, I was going through things at school, you know, a lot of you know fighting around the wrong people, and you know, things with you know a stepdad at that time as well, all around the same time. So when that happened, I kind of it woke me up and I and I was thinking about my life and you know that I can't do certain things, I can't be around certain people, and what is it I you know I want to ultimately do? And it you know, it opened up my world to mental health and you know well-being, because I think you know, when you go through certain things and when you've never had when you've never had to deal with anything like you know, mental health issues, and when you do, you know, it opens up your awareness. So, yeah, I basically that that occurred in my life when I was 13 to 14, and then you know, onwards from that, I kind of did you know college courses, um, different jobs and that that kind of thing. So that was kind of you know a big wake-up call for me.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Wow, so this really had a positive effect on you. Um, how do you think it would have panned out differently had this not happened, maybe? Um, do you think you'd be living your life in a different way?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah, completely. Um, that's a good question. I think around that time I was always people pleasing, you know. I was always trying to fit in, I was always trying to do what other people were doing. I wasn't really thinking necessarily about myself too much, and yeah, I could have gone down a completely different route if that hadn't have happened, especially when you're chasing your ego, you're not really thinking too much about yourself or you know your actions, especially as a teenager as well. So, I mean, I I could have gone down a different career route, I could have, you know, something other some something bad could have happened later on at some point, you just don't know. So I think something everything happens for a reason, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, absolutely. I definitely agree with you that things happen for a reason. Um, and it's like I think everyone has that sort of moment or maybe several moments where you know you have a choice of whether to, you know, go the right um direction or down that sort of negative path. And um, it's like, what decision do you want to make? And um, so it sounded like this was a really positive experience for you. And um that's kind of what I wanted to discuss about how um sometimes uh you know we're sort of stuck in a situation that's really negative, and it's like how can we make something positive come out of this? Um and with our stories, I feel like a lot of people get sort of uh stuck in their story, it becomes like their excuse to not move forward or be better because they've got this story, they become a victim to it almost. I mean, would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah, no, I totally agree. And I think you know, when I was going through that time, I was kind of in that victim mode. I was, you know, looking at myself and I was saying to myself, you know, why me? You know, poor me, getting frustrated with myself, why is this happening to me? And people can definitely fall into that trap of you know the victim of their circumstance and looking at you know that they are that that experience that happened, they are that person then. And it's like, well, you know, that that's just an experience and event that happened. That isn't you and your whole life, you know. You people change, you have a choice. Exactly. You see, you see it happen all the time with people, and sometimes they'll point the finger at an experience that happened. I'm not very good at XYZ because XYZ happened, and they're still holding on to that, and they're attracted, they're not attracting the things into their lives that they could be attracting based on that, because it's like putting a hold on it.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Um, so we know that everyone perceives like the same situation differently based on their past memories, their beliefs, their values. Um, how do you think this has an effect on people in general? Kind of going along the same lines of what you were just saying. Um, I think if you've had a lot of um support growing up, you can approach a situation in a different way. Um what's your thought on that?

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah, no, definitely. I think past experiences and things happening to people, I mean, people are moulded by you know their experiences, and sometimes people get caught up in having certain perceptions of themselves based on things that have been told or things that have happened. And you know, I I've worked in lots of hotels and restaurants, and I've had lots of negative things said to me by chefs and people I've worked with, and it's like you can either take that sometimes. You you know, you can take it to heart, and if you're not careful, that can become a belief, and you that's how you think and feel about yourself, exactly. But people, you know, need to understand that it's the way you know you perceive yourself, and I think people sometimes perceive themselves in an in a negative and false way, you know, because they they've doubted themselves. And I I doubted myself in the past tons of times, and I'll take things personally, and even in relationships and girls and that kind of thing, and you know, I would kind of play that card. Oh, you know, there's something wrong with me when it might just be you know the other person, and people can really get confused with that. I think, especially, you know, with COVID, a lot of people have lost jobs. And I was talking to someone yesterday and were saying how you know you need to adapt and pivot. Some people are blaming the situation onto COVID, and it's like, well, you have a choice, you know, to look at some, you know, another direction.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Exactly, exactly. And I agree with you. I think um we're really seeing that difference. Um, some people are really, you know, jumping on the online movement and figuring out how can I create a job from this, how can I monetize on something online? A lot of I'm a physio myself, and a lot of physios have jumped online. People are teaching yoga classes and Pilates classes online and and this sort of thing, and things are really booming for some people, but then there are other people that are really stuck or lost. Um, and so it's how how can we change that? How do you change their perceptions? And what do you think for someone who feels stuck in their situation at the moment for whatever reason, whatever their story is, what do you think? What would your be advice be, for example?

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I I think it's scary to jump into the unknown. And I I put off doing a podcast for two or three years because I was worried what people are gonna think about it. I was worried how it's gonna be perceived, and you know, it's scary stepping into the unknown and starting something that's new, and especially if you don't really know what it is. Some people a lot of people don't know what it is that they want to do, so they they're just doing what they're used to doing, and sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone to grow, yeah, and to and to learn.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah, absolutely. So I always believe that it's like education, but also gaining new experiences that kind of helps you open your mind up to what else is out there and what else is possible. So for me, travel was always a great way to sort of open my mind. And when I was younger, if I felt stuck, I just feel like I just need to go somewhere, even if it's for a long weekend, somewhere that's completely different, because you just see things from a different point of view, and sometimes there's that shock value that kind of gets you out of that same way of thinking, and um that has always worked for me. Um, do you have any other thoughts about ways to get out of your comfort zone?

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah, I'd I would say, you know, try like say, try new things and just just test the water. And I I think if something doesn't scare you, then you know it's not you're not going to grow from it. I think it's that process of stepping into uncomfortable situations and trying to get comfortable being uncomfortable. And the more you the more you do something, the easier it gets, and we just adapt. And yeah, like you know, people like you know, if somebody was traveling, going into new situations. I I've I've tried lots of different jobs, you know, like like retail jobs, sales jobs, you know, hospitality. And in hospital hospitality, you've thrown all these different situations from all different angles that you don't really experience in other jobs. And you know, you've got the people in the kitchen, you've got the customers, you've got the people on the phone, you've got so for me, that's how I learnt, you know, to step out of my comfort zone and you know to grow. And I know it's a bit difficult with COVID and things like that. A lot of places are closed, but in that time, that's how I grew and developed my social skills. But but I think people need to just just try things out and you know, make make a list, make a plan, and just try it. And if they're if they're worried about it, just ask for people's feedback. I think that's a big thing, you know. I think especially for me, doing videos, you know, on content on video, I I kind of I would do a video for a minute and a half and delete it. So, you know, you don't have to do a whole 20-minute talk or video, start off with a minute and put that out and see how that goes. So I just think it's a matter of just trying, you know, stepping out of your comfort zone, and you know, I think it's more damaging not to try things than to try things and fail. Because I think a lot of people fear failing, and I think I've applied for lots of different jobs and got rejections and got so far into the process, and you gotta know. And I think a lot of people are fearful of that and they feel rejected. So, I mean, that there's a there's a lot of things you know that kind of stop people from doing things, I think.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Yeah, it's interesting. I um I remember learning, and I think it had to do with maps with Singapore, Singapore maps, I think they call it, with my kids um and tutoring in Singapore. They believe that your brain grows when you fail. So every time you get something wrong, it's a chance for your brain to grow. So from an early age, kids aren't afraid of math because they want to be challenged and you know they want to get things wrong because it means that they're learning something that they don't already know. And it changes completely that idea of failure. And um, if we had that more in our culture, I think people would just go, they try anything. You would just be shooting videos, trying a podcast, putting yourself out there. But it's true, we're so afraid of failing, or we want it to be perfect that we spend all this time never actually creating anything because we're so worried that it's not going to be good enough.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Um yeah, yeah. I think I think what comes into that as well is like, you know, the pins of other people, you know, family, friends, and I mean it's different in different cultures, it depends on you know your parents and how you're brought up. But um, you know, my mum's always said to me, you know, you you do what you know, she supports me in what I do as long as it makes you happy. Some people, their parents are like, No, you need to do XYZ and you need to be doing this. And a lot of people become fearful of pleasing, you know, making mistake because of how the parents are gonna uh react and and uh things like that. So there's like a whole you know, whole long list, and I think you know, ultimately you just gotta you gotta the more you the more you fail, um, the more resilience you build up to it. And you know, like someone said to me that they like failing because then they're they know that they're closer to a yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, exactly. It's a great attitude, a way of reframing it for sure. Um, and again, that can be part of your story. Like you were saying, if um you've got parents or an entire family who believe that this is the way life should be, and you want to go down a different route, do you just say, Well, this is my story, and I'm just gonna have to live the way that everyone expects me to, or are you gonna find your own path? And so you always have that choice. Um, so do you have an example of somebody who you've worked with or someone close to you um with an interesting story and how it's helped empower them or she's really good friends with a guy who I've done a podcast with a few times, and he's got his podcast um called Paul Rogers, and he's you can you can connect with him on LinkedIn, and he's uh you know, like a best-selling author, he's got his own podcast um as well, and he's a life coach as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

And he's he's from England and he uh he's moved to Canada. And one day he was driving with his family, and uh in Canada, you know, it gets very snowy, very icy, and he was driving uh across you know a rail crossing. Um, there was a problem with the car or something happened on the road, and they became stuck on this rail crossing and got hit by a train. And he him and his wife were in a coma for a while, and and then and then his wife you know came out of the coma first, she came around, he was still in a coma for a while, then he came around, but you know, ultimately, you know, it was you know like that life and death, and it was that bad that you know the doctors had to call the parents from the UK to come over to say, you know, this could be it. And he ended up pulling, you know, they ended up pulling through, there was okay. And uh yeah, it he's changes, you know, he's changed his life around and he helps other people now, you know, and he he went through a lot during that period and you know kind of defied the odds. So I find that really you know motivating and pretty inspiring, you know, what he's he's been through and what you know what he does now.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

And that really shaped him into his life coaching, or what was he doing before that?

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yeah, I I I think he was he was in um it wasn't in coaching before that. He was, you know, doing another job in you know, in uh I can't remember the job he was doing, but he was doing something else other than coaching, like just normal job.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah, I think it's quite interesting because you see that a lot with coaches, especially when you um or even therapists, uh therapists with addiction and things like this, where you take something that was a bad habit for yourself or a bad experience. And once you overcome that and achieve um, you know, a better life or a better way of being, you want to help others do the same. And I think some of the best therapists and coaches out there are people that have had those um really negative experiences and were able to flip that into something very positive and it's inspiring, and then you know, they obviously have lived it, so they really know how to give that message and help others get themselves unstuck and that sort of thing, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yeah, no, I've definitely heard that as well. And I've met lots of people who've, you know, been in certain had certain experiences and been in certain places, and they've you know they've pivoted and they they've used their experience in you know and their strengths and their qualities to then use that, you know, to help other people. You know, lots of people, I've got a good friend who, you know, are ex-military and they they do courses on you know human behavior and pattern recognition, and they and they've had their you know their fair share of PTSD and stuff like that, and uh, you know, they're helping businesses and running courses, people and you know, people who are now coaches because they've you know they might have had an abusive past, you know, being in a really dark place and now you know they change that around to help other people. And I think you know that's that's one of the beauties of being a person because we you know we're stronger than we think a lot of the time, and you know, we we can definitely sometimes feel like there's no way out, but you know, there is ultimately you know a way out where we can grow, you know, use your experience and help other people. But it takes a lot to share. Sorry, it's it takes a lot to sometimes open up about your story or your experience.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um, and just I guess the first step is probably acceptance of where you're at and um and you know that you're not happy being in this in this place and that you want to move out of that. Um so that whole acceptance of that, I think, is um has to happen before you can sort of recognize that there's a way out. And then it's asking for that help or finding ways to get yourself um through that. Um, what advice would you give to someone who's listening who um maybe feels like they're stuck or um they've always had this sort of negative part of their story and they want to change it? Um what would you say to what questions could they ask themselves or what um what advice would you give?

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yeah, no, definitely. I I think you know, if you're in that place where you feel stuck and you feel like there's no way out and you feel like you can't talk to anybody, you know, I definitely recommend, you know, just just talk to somebody, you know, speak to somebody that you can trust, speak to, you know, either a therapist and you know, just just those baby steps and just go, you know, be patient with yourself and take each day at a time. But you know, if you put there's different people deal with things deal with things different way, but definitely if you put your story out there or how you're feeling, there's gonna be someone else out there who's feeling the same, someone that you can relate to you, and it it just breaks the ice a bit because you know you feel like you know you're not alone, and there are people out there willing to help you, and um, yeah, just go, you know, just take each day out at a time, be patient with yourself, and you know, do things that you know that help and benefit you, you know. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Absolutely. No, that's great. I agree, and I think it's just those small steps. Um, sometimes it's just that first step that's the most important step, and that can be so small. It just needs to be something, you know, something that moves you forward, and then that momentum starts. And um, just getting you out of that, just step out of your comfort zone is what you need just to get you moving forward. So I agree. Thank you so much, Adam. So that is Adam Parr from the Parsitivity podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. And if you have any questions for Adam or for me, um you can look up Adam Parr on social media or the Prusitivity Podcast, or of course, you can always find me at Meganson Method across all social media. Thank you so much. And till next time.