Overcoming Addictive Behaviors

Join me in this episode on the limiting beliefs and thoughts behind addictive behaviors.  Tracey Celotti, Certified Transformation Life Coach and Personal Trainer, and we discuss eating disorders,  anxiety, depression and addiction.  Learn the questions to ask yourself about specific addictive tendencies/ addictions and the tools that help overcome them.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, it's Penny Meginson from the Meginson Method, and welcome to Penny for Your Thoughts. In this episode on overcoming addictive behaviors, I'm joined by Tracy Cellati. She's a personal trainer and transformational life coach, and we're going to be discussing the thoughts and mindset behind addictive behaviors from eating disorders all the way to drug addiction. And so we're also going to touch on some of the uh methods that help overcome these behaviors. So let's get started. Hello, Tracy. Thanks for joining me. How are you? I'm great, Penny. How are you? Great, great. So transformational life coaching and personal training. So what moments in your life sort of led you to the work that you're doing now?

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Um, I've always had a passion for fitness, that's for sure. From the time like I was 15 onward, I was an athlete in school, and I just love, loved, loved um anything to do with movement of the body. And uh yeah, so I was definitely, I watched my mom. My mom was always on her bike, went for a run, um, and she played baseball. So we went with her wherever she went. So she created really excellent habits in that way. Um, yeah, it's it's interesting. So, what led me to the certified life coaching? So the other part of that is is that uh my dad was um actually an alcoholic when I was little, and um so even though uh there was that one side, there was the other side of, and you know, I know my mom tried to make sure everything was stable as possible in the you know, in the household. That's why she probably was so active. And we lived in a firm and it was, you know, there's a lot of fun times, but there was also a lot of uh abuse, physical, uh mental, emotional. Um, yeah. So I've seen a lot of things in my life, and I when I was uh I just noticed that I I know that I was a sugar addict when I was younger. I was always looking for some sort of pie to change my state, right? Because I noticed my feelings, and and that transpired into an eating disorder. I remember watching one of my friends throw up her food and I thought that's that's my solution. I'll never be fat, I'll never have to vote like anyway. And so I be I was a bulimic until I was um off and on, but I I when I was in college, it was um very serious, and I sought help from a psychiatrist. You know, I tried um different like hypnotists and anything actually, psychotherapists and um uh fast forward. I ended up getting a job in in Toronto, and that actually helped me a lot. That was an opportunity. And um, I met the man of my dreams there and he became my husband, and then after I quit my job, I knew I knew there was I I had to deal with my the demons inside because things were coming up and it was very uncomfortable. So I I searched up eating disorders and I came across 12-step groups where my journey began my in the 12 steps, and the 12 step is giving back to the community. So God right away started sending me a lot of women, so I started working with women right off the bat, and that helped me tremendously. And step three is turning your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him. So um I I was actually because I was hungry for spirituality, I knew that that was the answer because I seen people in front of me transform, I seen a happiness and a peace in these people that I wanted so badly. Because here I had I was this beautiful young lady and got tons of attention that way, but I was so messed up inside. And and I just, you know, I had money. My my husband at the time was very well off. And I was like, I didn't understand it. Like, here I've got all the money I want, you know, I've got the looks, but I am like, there's I have these, these, you know, I have to deal with this. So that led me on the journey, and um, through the grace of God, I I recovered uh before my first child was born.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

What would you say was missing at that time? So, like what limiting beliefs did you have? What were those demons that you were talking about? Can you identify any of that?

SPEAKER_01 4:43

So lack of control in lack of control in my thoughts, lack of control lack of control with substance. Could it could be alcohol, um even shopping. When I was I worked in an organization, there was a lot of men, like I it was just everything was I was an addictive personality, and it, you know, to the point of you know, it was destroying me physically, mentally, and emotionally. So I needed I needed God, honestly. That hole was empty, and there was only one thing that was gonna fill it, and it was a higher power, and um having spirituality in your life, yeah, big time.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Okay. Um, what do you think um your thoughts were about yourself at that time? Um, when you were going through all of this, especially uh when you were at the sort of pinnacle moment of your eating disorder and all these addictive behaviors. What do you think? What were the thoughts that were going on for you?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Definitely self-sabotage, like self-destructive thoughts, um, hatred of self, um, hopelessness, desperation. That is the mind of a true addict. If you're because there's three types of addicts. Well, there's actually only one type of addict, but there's the first person is a person that can leave it or leave it alone, take it or leave it. The second person is very much like an addict, but at some point things get so bad that they can somehow stop. But if you're a real addict, you can't stop no matter what. And only a power greater than yourself is gonna restore you to sanity.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Okay, what sort of questions um could the the listeners sort of ask themselves if they feel like things aren't quite balanced and maybe they feel a bit out of control, um, just so that they know that maybe they should be seeking help?

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Um just any like if if any destructive self-destructive habits, like obviously, like even like overeating, people that overeat to excess, binging um on alcohol or needing a substance at all times to help them cope with life problem issues. Like, are you out of control in these areas? Are you dependent on someone or something? That's the questions I would ask.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Okay. Um, and why do you think it's so difficult to break these behaviors?

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I because they've it's you cross a line. I've I work with I've worked with addicts, the worst kind, right? You know, like I will say that I am one of them. I know the difference between someone that's crossed the line and someone that hasn't, because the one that hasn't is still able to get on. Somehow, some way, they function. They're functioning. Um, you could say addicts, but are they really addicts? Because they're still functioning at a high level until they become completely hopeless and desperate, they're not really considered um a true blue addict, if you understand what I mean. I'm sure you do.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Yeah, but on all those levels, they probably are needing help. Um yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Life has become unmanageable, and that's step one, admitting that. Yeah, it's hard sometimes because you don't want to give up your will, you don't want to have to depend on a power. A lot of people don't like they don't like that idea, but they get beat up so bad, their mind opens, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

You think it's really about control, or do you think it's lacking something in your life, or is it a mix of things?

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Mix, definitely mix.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Okay, um, okay, and so what do you feel is the solution? Um, I you mentioned the 12 steps. We can talk about those, or do you think that there are a few that really stand out?

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Um I definitely think the foundation, if you're a real real addict or even have addictive tendencies, I think the 12 steps is a phenomenal foundation to start, like to get that, because um, I I feel that if you want to move forward, we like we've got to grow, we've got we've got to become better. Um, of course, nutrition, fitness, um, like I know you do tapping, meditation, um, all the breath work, all these things help tremendously. But in the 12 steps, you look at yourself and you look at your own defects. And when you um, you know, acknowledge them and admit who you are and ask God to help you with that side of it. And and you know, what I do is like, God, please change this in me. Because if there's something I don't like about myself, I'm I ask God for help. Please change me. And I also feel that forgiveness is key with not only just an addict, but anyone is forgiving yourself for the mistakes that you make, uh, you know, even on a daily basis, but forgiving others, because by forgiving others, we are forgiven, and then we have peace in our mind. And peace is the most important thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yeah. So I do a lot of emotional freedom technique tapping, and uh that's one of the key elements. It's always a mix of sort of self-acceptance and and um uh just what you said, um, being at peace and not having sort of hostility towards yourself or to anyone else. Um, and so a lot of what we do is sort of figuring out um those sorts of those parts of you that you either need to accept um or just um being able to forgive yourself or forgive someone else. And um, and you're absolutely right, it really frees you and and you're not holding on to that. And I and that probably is a huge element of um addictive behaviors, absolutely. Um with a few people with eating disorders, and um I think that's really um a huge hole for some people and and a need to control because of this feeling that they're holding on to. So absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Um I also think that community is very important to have a support system around you that you know, we've I'm sure you've heard that you become like the five people you hang out with, right? So you want to make sure those five people you're learning from they're lifting you up, they're motivating you to become better, they believe in you and they're like, Yes, you can do this. So community is so important, like the people you hang with.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah, and really if if you look around and you're honest about the community that you're with, and if they're not empowering you, being able to step out of that and find new people. Um, I think that that's really important for some people. And when you're really feeling stuck or you want um the way that you are, you really do have to change that circle sometimes. And that's hard for people, especially when it involves family, and your family are the reason that's keeping you down, being able to step out of that and try and get out of your comfort zone and into a new um community. It's it's absolutely true. Um, I also like that that you become the five people that you're closest to. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

I also find that creating healthy boundaries also and being able to say no when you need to say no. That's also a big um, you know, that's that was huge for me, being able to say no to people that I need to say no to to just to protect myself and um to stay healthy. I have to, I I actually heard this yesterday um because I am a mother of four, um, that you're constantly giving, right? But if you don't put that oxygen mask on yourself first, you're not really able to help anyone. So you got to take care of yourself. And then in that, when you're when you feel like your tank is full, that's what I do every single morning. I fill my own tank and then I'm able to give to others. But if that tank is half, you know, half full or empty, I can't give to no one.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

And of course, of course, yeah. Happy mom equals happy kids and happy family, I think.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

And I think we forget that. Um, and what you were saying about setting boundaries, absolutely. I think uh there are so many people that are just giving, giving so much of themselves, and um and they don't know when to say no and when to stop. Um, and and it is that not having those um boundaries that leads to needing to control something else, some other area of your life, because you're just letting everybody else be in control. Where if you chose boundaries and felt like you had control over your your life of saying no, saying yes when you want to say yes, and those sorts of things, um, you wouldn't need this element of controlling what you're eating or how much exercise you're doing or other aspects of your life. Um, so definitely I think setting boundaries is huge for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Um I try to remember, like when I was like go, go, go, go, go, like I needed to shift because I was so depleted, I didn't even realize. And sometimes I women, especially when they're mothers, they they don't even realize like what they're they're feeling, they think this is normal. To feel bad is normal almost. They don't realize that they can actually feel better. So there are definitely certain things you can do to feel better, and you gotta know that you can. You there's always better, and you should strive for that every single day.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yeah, I mean, you know this with your personal training. I find um it's always worth it to get up earlier in the morning and have that me time and have it have it include some sense of spirituality, uh meditation, something like that, fitness, going for a jog or a walk or something like that, getting fresh air uh before you the day starts with everybody else. And then it becomes all about everyone else, the family, the kids, you know, making life happen. Um, but just taking that moment for yourself is so empowering and it makes the whole day a better day. It makes you more energetic and you do twice as much and half half the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Oh, I love that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Yeah. So what other bits of the 12-step program um uh stand out for you? Uh, what other advice would you have to someone who's feeling like they're just not quite in control of uh uh certain behaviors or they have behaviors that they want to let go of and they can't?

SPEAKER_01 15:28

I would say to start journaling, definitely, your feelings because you need an outlet. And sometimes talking about it too much with too many people that can actually have a negative effect. So I, you know, this is what I teach definitely is that to write it down, get rid of all your feelings on paper. Um and then I go a step further. I'm I'm like, okay, God, please forgive me for these thoughts and please help me to forgive that person. If you have resentments or if you have fears, you just say, God, please remove these fears, direct my attention to where you would have me be, and you do the next thing. But you want to get rid of that guck inside you so you have a clear mind, clear head, and you can go on. And the thing is too, is that I find, especially in my recovery, was humility. And the humility came from admitting when I'm when I do things that are wrong, or what when I hurt someone, or I've laughed out at someone to make an amend as quickly as possible. Yeah, the quicker you do that, the quicker you're gonna have peace and you're gonna be happy.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I agree with that. Um, and I think you sort of are able to forgive yourself as well and just realize that you're human and you know, um, you can't be perfect all the time. And so it's this um feeling like you have to be a perfectionist all of the time. So some of us just stop trying because it becomes exhausting. And when you realize that it's okay to make those mistakes and and it's all part of learning, it's all part of the journey, and there's it's never too late to say you're sorry and to make amends and that sort of thing, then it makes everything less stressful. You don't have to have a perfect day and be the perfect person, the perfect mom, the perfect um partner in a relationship, and these sorts of things. So, um, yeah, absolutely, perfection is impossible.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

That's in the book, actually. Progression, not perfection.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

The progress is so important to make sure you are progressing because, as a person like me or any kind of addict, if you stay like that and you don't go like this, what will happen is you'll go like that, you'll go down. I that's my experience with people that don't continue to keep learning, keep getting better. I see they they go down really fast. You cannot get complacent. And Anna cannot get complacent, they've got to be uncomfortable, getting uncomfortable somehow, some way, you know, doing something different, you know, changing it up, finding a mentor, a coach, you know.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah, finding your passion, I think, um, really helps as well. That really empowers you, especially when you're really down or feeling stuck, just giving yourself that moment to asking those questions, figuring out what you really want to be doing, um, figuring out something that you're passionate about, and that can really pull you out of that deep, dark um abyss that you might feel like you're stuck in sometimes, um, for sure. Um, do you have a particular client that you've worked with? Um, any inspirational stories or anything interesting?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

I do. I have a lot of them, but one in particular I do have to. He is, I worked with him for four years. He was he's an engineer, and he, you know, he's got an engineering firm and he was uh 65 pounds overweight. He was in a very bad place emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. Um, he's he kind of put God aside, and um, you know, he was borderline addictive to um alcohol, drugs, the whole shebang, and he totally turned his life around, like an absolute miracle. He didn't go through the 12 steps, but I kind of so I was training him, he did my life coaching program, and he just trained I watched him transform in front of me, not only physically with the 65-pound weight loss, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He he developed this relationship with God where God became number one and he be like he's literally like a man of God. He went from this man, this worldly man, you know, the crazy life and the to this this beautiful spiritual man. And he just his his whole, if you if you've seen the physical, not only like the weight loss, but his whole face transformed because you you could see the light in him. His love for people came out, his love obviously for God, and that and he just and he just constantly humbled himself. He what a yeah, that's just one of the um stories that I have.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Okay, great. So he really just found something to believe in, and um, and that really helped um inspire him, I suppose.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Fitness and mindset was key. Prayer, all he was open to everything. He did tapping with me, he did meditation with me, he was open because he wanted to make the changes, and that was that you know, when you're open and you're willing to do the work, because this is work. If you're in a place and it's not a happy place right now in your life and you are a little bit hopeless, it takes work. I'm not gonna tell you it's not, and you've got to be willing to do the work, but when you do, oh my gosh, is there are there is a reward on the other side. You'll live a life that you never thought possible. You'll have a happiness and peace that you never thought, and your relationships will be beautiful. I mean, you still have to work at them, but they will be beautiful, loving relationships.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah, and the two things that stood out with uh what you were talking about um were that it's work that you have to realize that you know this is something that's worth it, but it's gonna be hard, and you've got to you know stay committed and that it it benefits to have a coach or a mentor, someone that's gonna help you guide you through those tough times to keep you motivated and keep you on that path um to keep putting the work in. And so thank you so much, Tracy. That was great. And um, if anyone wants to get in touch with Tracy Chalati, you can find her on social media, and of course, you can always email me.