How Feeling Stuck Affects Health And Work

Gabriella Wolson is a Business and Life Coach.  In this very inspiring episode, we discuss what it is that truly keeps us feeling stuck and how to make the steps toward moving forward and creating the life that you want.  The first step is getting clear and grounded  in your vision.  We talk about getting out of your comfort zone.  Listen to the full episode to learn all the steps to getting unstuck and creating your own personal vision, and learn the negative effects on health and performance when you don't.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:25

Hello, it's Penny Meginson from the Meginson Method, and welcome to another episode of Me for Your Thoughts. I'm joined here today by Gabriella Wilson. She's a career and life coach, and we're going to talk about this idea of being stuck, just that feeling of being stuck. So, Gabriella. Hello, Gabriella. Can you oh hi? How are you? Welcome. Thanks for joining. And so today I wanted to talk about this feeling of being stuck. I know a lot of us are feeling this way now. Things are changing. Many of our job situations have changed a bit. And I think it's getting a lot of people to think about where they are in their life, where they are with their career. And I thought it was a really relevant time to be talking about it. And so I know that you work a lot with this idea. And so why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself and your background, your story?

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Sure. Absolutely. Well, firstly, thanks again for having me. I'm so excited. So I am the founder and coach of realignment coaching. Spelled a little funky. You'll see it in the chat later. And uh what I do is this fusion between career and life coaching, um, as Penny said earlier. So um prior to my coaching training, my professional experience was primarily in uh human resources, corporate human resources. So what I do with my clients who are looking for a transition in their career, whether it's um someone junior who is taking, you know, trying to figure out exactly what they want to do, or someone a little more senior who wants to do a total pivot, someone who's been out of the workforce wants to come back in. Um, I use my HR background for being on the other side of the recruitment process and help with the career tools and whatever. But that said, um, you know, I can give my clients as many tools as possible. Um, until we look at the deeper stuff, it's gonna be difficult to get a job.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yeah, so about that. Um the deeper stuff. Uh so when someone's feeling stuck, what do you think is behind that? I mean, I know what my thoughts are, but what do you feel? Uh let's say someone is feeling um that there's something more they want um out of life. Maybe they they have it all, but they're still not content, um, or they just feel like something's missing. Uh, what do you feel is behind that?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I think it all comes down to fear, right? So sometimes we have our excuses. We say, um, oh, well, it's not practical right now, and this this reason, and that reason, and this logistical reason. But what it comes down to is um a deep fear of putting yourself out there, of being vulnerable and and of potentially failing. Because when we fail, oftentimes as human beings, we make it mean something about us. And that can be really hard to be with. Um, you know, we get in our story of I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, I'm not capable. And while that is absolutely not true for any human being watching that, that's where our brains will naturally go. So it's easier to just avoid, you know, stepping out of your comfort zone, making a leap, making a transition, so we don't have to be with that feeling of potentially failing.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yeah, like sometimes I find with clients it's easier just, even if you're not happy in a situation, just to stay with what's known than to sort of try something new because it's easier to talk about that thing that you want rather than reaching out for it and having it not work out. You know, absolutely. Something that I see with a lot of the women that I work with is a lot of people want to write a book or they want to create something, they want to start a business. And it's easier to talk about this because if you never do it, you always have that dream to talk about. But if you actually do it and it doesn't work out, then what? Um, and so I find that people stay stuck in this situation where they just can't make that thing, whatever it is, happen. And so what's um can you give an example of either in your own situation or with a client that you've worked with, um, how someone was able to get out of out of that fear and sort of get out of their comfort zone and make make a change or make that final decision?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Yeah, I mean, I can absolutely talk about my own life and starting my coaching business, right? Like I was in a cushy corporate HR gig at a company that I actually liked. Um, but I had this inkling deep in me. I knew how I could create more impact in the world. I knew the kind of lifestyle I wanted, I knew there was something else out there, and I so held on to that story of like, I'm not an entrepreneur, I'm not a business owner, I don't know how to do this, I don't like sales. Um, and you know, fear of with money, that was a big, big thing with me. How can I leave this great guaranteed salary to just go with money, like totally just based on what I generate? And um, that was a perfect example where I felt stuck. I was able to see it, I knew what I wanted, and it just felt unattainable. And it felt unattainable because I was stuck in that fear. I was stuck in the what if I fail? Um, what's it gonna mean about me? What's it gonna mean for my life? Um, so I didn't leave for a while after I kind of identified my deeper desires. Um and what I ultimately did was a a combo of a lot of kind of tools and and mindset shifts. Um, and they're all stuff that I work on um with my clients too. Um so you know, I I think the number one thing is to really get grounded in your vision. So really like I'm such a fan of the like close your eyes and envision, but like exactly, yeah. What do you want for your life? What do you desire? And the thing about a vision is that you get to say, right? Like it's not about anyone else's standard or what they think you should do with your life. Absolutely. It it could be it could be anything regarding any aspect of your life. But if you really see it, you really believe it, you get it in your body, you start to visualize. I know Penny, you're big on like the visualization. Um, I have my, I literally have a vision board across from me. You see it. Um, the more you can get it in your body, in your brain, projecting out that energy, um, and also just getting really clear on it, like getting really clear of this is what I want, this is what I don't want, this is what it looks like, this is really what I say I want versus other people. That's the first step.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

For sure. So I find that um with a lot of people, they can get that clarity or they do all the work and they finally feel like they can see it, they know what they want, but they just can't get it. They can't make that step. It's like they're frozen and they can see it, but they won't take the first step. And so that's that stuck thing that I think a lot of us talk about. And so what do you think step two would be?

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Yeah, so I think that's where all of that fear we just talked about comes in, right? Like now you see it, now you have it identified, but you don't want to, you don't want to take that leap. Yeah, and um, and I think it's a few things, right? Like I think um getting to a place where you allow yourself to be in what I call adventure. So allowing yourself to try, to learn, to fail. Um, you know, what's that corny expression? Like you're gonna miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take, right? So I'm not saying that the fear won't be there, but how can you start to ease up on yourself to allow yourself to be like, hey, this is this is just life, and I'm just trying and I'm just trying to figure it out, and it doesn't actually matter what the results are as long as I'm putting myself out there.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think changing the meaning of failure is important in our sort of um world or uh mindset. I think um it's easy, especially when you've been in a corporate world or you've always had a job and a boss, it's easy to just do the job that you know how to do. But when you become an entrepreneur and you have to create these things and figure it out, and how do I market this? And um, and you have to put yourself out there and do things that aren't completely not your skill set and just give it a go and and learn through your mistakes and that sort of thing. I think that's where people just um give up or they just are afraid to even try.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yeah, absolutely. And um one thing I oh sorry.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yeah, no, that's okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

One thing um I kind of think about a lot, I I I see like a cycle, right? Is that you have your same old thinking, which leads to your same old behaviors, which leads to your same old results. And you're gonna stay on that circle, and you can stay on that circle, full permission for the rest of your life. But if you desire something like we're talking about, where you feel you see it now, you've gotten your vision, but you feel stuck, it means you're stuck on that circle. And so one of those things has to change, either the thinking or the behavior, most likely both. And so with the thinking, that that's what I was talking about earlier, is like giving yourself permission to try and to play and to learn. And with the behaviors, um, I think that really speaks to baby steps. So making a plan, actually creating milestones of what you're gonna do, and then taking on what's the smallest little baby step because when we're in action, it starts to create more action. It's like inertia, it's the getting started that can feel scary.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

So it's always identifying that big that comfort that absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Um, it I do a lot of work with um emotional freedom technique and MLP, and so we work on the meanings and changing those and figuring out where they stem from. And so much of this stuff comes from your childhood and things that you're completely unaware of. Uh, that I mean, we can blame our parents for everything, I think, every little comment that was made, and it's how you read it. And often um it was nothing even meant by the comments, it's just the way that it sounded to you at a particular time in your life, and then that stays in that um in your subconscious, you know. And so every time you're in a situation or something is said to you, it just re-amplifies that, and you um you believe it even more so. And so I think that's where we end up feeling stuck as well. So that pattern has to change, and that's all subconscious stuff that we're not even aware of. And so as soon as you change that and you're starting with this like blank canvas, then you can really start to build those goals and figure out what your passion is and what your purpose is, and then set those little goals to start moving forward. Um yeah, absolutely. We're on the same page.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yeah, no, I think so much of the work that I do with my clients and the work I do with my own coach is just simply identifying what is the story I'm telling myself. Absolutely have hundreds of thousands of thoughts going through our brains each day that most of them we don't even realize are happening. So it's like, what's the story that's playing in the back that I'm not paying attention to, but that's actually guiding my behavior? And so exactly what you were talking about is like identifying, you know, something you heard as a kid, and now all of a sudden you believe that that's the right way to behave in a certain situation or there is a truth about you. And so, you know, sometimes I have clients that are like, wait, but I what do I do after the session? Where do I go? And I'm like, no, it's just about starting to look like get a this awareness of these stories and start to break them down. And we can't break them down until we're even aware of them.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Absolutely, yeah. And what's interesting, I think, is that a lot of us will tell ourselves a story that we're okay to tell. It's like this story that actually isn't the real problem because that real problem is something you don't want to talk about or you don't want to deal with it. And so sometimes it's just sitting with a notebook and just being honest with yourself and just stripping back those layers and going, what is the core of why I'm not happy or I'm not doing the thing that I really want to do? Rather than just constantly telling that story that you tell all of your friends, oh, you know, I'm gonna do this when I'm ready. I'm just not ready. I'm gonna do it after I finish that degree or that other thing, that training that I'm doing. And you can make up this whole story that sounds like, oh, you know, I am trying or whatever, but it's the story that you're comfortable telling. And that story that is the real story is the one that we need to break, or just you know, sometimes it's just accepting. Uh, you know, um, once you can accept that aspect of yourself, you can move forward. Absolutely. Um and so do you have any uh clients that you've worked with, like a particular story that would inspire some of the listeners?

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Oh my god, so many! Um, yeah, I mean, it's so I was so excited about this topic that you chose because when I was thinking about the work that I do, and I'm like, oh, whether I'm working totally with career or general life coaching or whatever, it all comes down to this feeling of being stuck. So I could sit here and talk to you about hundreds of clients. Um but you know, I think uh one really interesting I actually had last week um was someone who um I was really struggling financially. And um, you know, there was some speculation that they they might, you know, have I use this slightly an addiction to kind of gambling um or you know, a pattern of you know being a little risky with their money. And when we were in the coaching session, what you know, the most important thing about a coach is that they don't give direct advice, right? It's about the client figuring it out for them. And when you figure it out for yourself, you're gonna own it more, right? So one of the things that he declared, I didn't declare, was I'm done with behaviors where I'm being a little riskier with my money, um, where it's not a clean cut kind of investment. And he declared this at one point in the conversation, and we moved on and we went to other things. And then he said, I have to interrupt. I have to out myself. I was like, what? I'm so excited. Um, and he said, I realized that as I sat here and I declared that I wanted to be done with this thing, I realized that where my brain went was actually this other investment, this riskier investment that I have going on and how um it's doing it's doing well and I don't want to cancel it. Um and he was like, But if I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna declare that I'm done with those behaviors and I have to do it. And he we right on that call, he went up and he, you know, I don't know, finance stuff, but he took his money out of that. And um and it was so powerful because this is the number one thing that's made him feel feeling really stuck is his financial situation and particularly this behavioral pattern. And he was not going to break the pattern until he declared it, until he owned it, until he said, This is what I need to do. He called himself out. He said, I don't want to take this money out, but I know that I need to. And all of that was generated through our conversation, but I didn't sit here and say, This is what you need to do.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

No.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

And I think that's a huge part of getting unstuck is they need, you know, each of us needs in ourselves to um desire it, to make our own plan. We need to be responsible for getting ourselves unstuck.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yeah, absolutely. No, that's that is a great story. Um I have found that uh what seems to work well when people are really scared is to just find something else uh that just gets you out of your comfort zone. And so this it can be a fun way of just doing something that is so out of character for yourself, something that I mean, it could be as stupid as just going, I mean, we can't do any of this right now, but like singing karaoke or just putting yourself out there and having yourself be laughed at or just feeling ridiculous so that you're like, you know what, I did that and I'm still alive and it wasn't that big of a deal. And now I can do this other thing for my business or whatever. And so um, I'm here in Switzerland, so we've got the mountains. So I'm always telling people, you know, if you've never skied before, go do a ski lesson, go and fall miserably all day and realize how great it felt to just try it and have fun and not care that you were terrible at it. Or um, you know, parapon, we we call uh hang gliding or paragliding, paraponsing. So I make a lot of my clients do things like that that just absolutely scare them to death because it just gets them to be like, yeah, that felt so good to do something that absolutely scared me. And and then it just changes that mindset. I want more of that. I want to try new things in different things, and it kind of breaks the pattern. So sometimes I find um doing something completely unrelated can help pull you out of that circle, like you were saying, that cycle that you get stuck in. And um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

So I love that because it speaks to it speaks to the actual thought process and like being breakthrough, right? So it might not be directly related to where you're feeling stuck, but you're actually creating a breakthrough in as we talked about before, adventure, stepping out of your comfort zone, allowing yourself to fail. So that by trying something in one area of your life, it's generating a breakthrough that's really gonna support in another area of your life.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Exactly. Yeah, or inspire that continual process or something. So, yeah, I think that's great. So, what are three tips that you could give our listeners to help them get unstuck? Just three simple tasks that they can start putting into action.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Absolutely. So I think the first that we already talked about is grounding into that vision, having it really defined, having it really clear, and having you really be connected and desiring it. And that may be a daily process that may be needing to go back to it every day because our brains will are the fear will come in, it's trying to protect us, to not take a risk. So just doing whatever you can to continuously connect into the vision. I think the second, also what we've been talking about, is allowing yourself for adventure to try. Um, I love the suggestion you just made, like step outside of your comfort zone into a different area of your life. Um, another could be like exploring, you know, what am I imagining that I'm actually in danger of and realizing that, like, oh, I am actually okay. Um, to just allow yourself to play. Um, and I think the third is kind of asking yourself, why not? Right. So it is so corny, but you literally only have one life to live. It is your life. You get to say how you enjoy it, and you are worthy of enjoying your life and and being and being fulfilled. And so that's something I come back to every single day where I'm like, oh, I should, I should be this way or I should do this. I'm like, wait a second, this is my life. This is the only, you know, December 1st, 2020, I'm ever gonna have, I get to say. Um, and just remember that you freaking deserve it. You deserve the results and the the real fulfillment of your life.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Absolutely. Well, thank you so much, Gabriella. That was fantastic. And thanks so much for joining. And I hope that inspired everyone. And if anyone wants to get in touch with you, and they can always um contact me directly through my YouTube channel or Facebook or LinkedIn at Meganson Method. But how can they get in touch with you if they have any questions?

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Sure. Yeah, so I'm realignment coaching. I'm everywhere. My website's realignmentcoaching.com, uh, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. I'll spell it for you because it's funky. R-E-E-L-L I G N M E N T coaching. Um, come find me. These are the conversations I love to have. I want to hear what everyone's up to.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Great. Thank you so much. Thank you. Till next time.